Skip to main content

Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

Dammit, couldn’t you wait until the Santa Baby’s and Mistletoe were hid under the shelf.  No, you had to bring your grubby hands and mess up the only thing waking up for, that rich cup of coffee in the morning.  Not that I wanted you to go away entirely, but I just don’t want your face peeking over my shoulder at every opportunity, even in morning prayers.  Nevertheless, you are here basking in the glow of my self-deprecating spirit, mired in the fibers of my black attire.

I was certain that you were just an out-of-town friend staying at my place for the week, but upon arrival you showed your true colors, or shall I shall true venom.  But really, I do appreciate the state of mind I’m in, for I use the stupor state I’m in as a shield to all the hard and messy things in life, like kids, marriage conversations, and those oh so friendly in-laws.  I suppose that’s a good thing, my former self would’ve gone ape shit on others, discarding their feelings, and leaving them cut down like a felled Aspen in the Colorado landscape.     But that was the past, and this is now. 

I heard once a song about the Lord being a shield, something from the Psalms, going something like, “But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high (Psalm 3.3).”[1] Oh, I know this to be true, rattling around in my noggin.  But, often I want to insert my own phrase, But you, O Depression, are a shield around me, my glory, the all-encompassing one who lifts my head high to avoid anyone.  However irreverent this may be, the pangs of despair and loneliness that maintain their left corner pew in my heart are guarded by this thing called depression which forms a shield against the onslaught of the world. 

Not only a shield, but this whole down–in- the-dumps thing gives me real apathy.  Peas or carrots, working in the yard or watching a movie, feeding the dog or not, all these little decisions come at me with the speed of a racecar, and yet there is no pulse in my veins propelling me towards a decision.  Call it mental paralysis or indecisive groveling, I just really don’t care what happens next.  Now, you would suppose a person like me would be apathetic to all of life, but this kind of apathetic distaste for decisions doesn’t shade every area of life.  The sad part about this indecisiveness is that I tend to be high functioning and make decisions everyday about things that matter, but what I deem insignificant falls to the wayside.  Yet, what I deem insignificant is often not entirely such, for many of these seemingly trivial matters really do matter (yes that permission slip was really important for my daughter and her teacher).

Your friend,
Spencer


[1] http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/brooklyn_tabernacle_choir/thou_oh_lord.html?var=5&utm_expid=7079856-15.KD0T-puJSVWeJN-zx2KS6A.4&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Saving Casper

Saving Casper: A Christian and an Atheist Talk about Why We Need to Change the Conversion Conversation by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Casper-Christian-Conversion-Conversation/dp/1414364881 Many readers will quickly know the authors of this book from their previous release Jim and Casper Go to Church.  Jim and Matt’s new book entitled Saving Casper focuses on the way we talk about conversion in the church and the devastating ways we have pushed away atheists and other non-believers by our posture.  Both Jim and Matt traversed the national landscape, meeting in churches and asking hard questions about faith, conversion, and life. The basic premise of the book and travel is laid out here in their words, “Part of what Casper and I are trying to achieve when we speak to a group of Christians is to help people move a little bit on their “judgment meter.”  This capacity, while intellectually and often theologically uncomfortable,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Essential Christian Doctrine

  Essential Christian Doctrine , General Editor John MacArthur Pastor John MacArthur has for years been teaching the Word of God in both pulpit ministry, books, and conferences with an aim to displaying God’s revelation to his listeners in a winsome and foundational manner.  This new book, Essential Christian Doctrine takes an entire life of teaching and preaching and encapsulates the main contours of the Christian faith for its readers.  John in a systematic way highlights the most necessary teachings from Scripture including God’s Word, the Trinity, while also including sections on Man and the Future. One of the most helpful ways the authors bring to light biblical truth and theology is the way in which they group together particular themes.  In the section on the Holy Spirit, instead of a complex discussion of personhood, word pictures of the Holy Spirit are introduced in a discernible and profitable manner.  The metaphors for the Holy Spirit include fir...
Post a Comment
Read more

God's Grace for All of Life

The Romance of Grace by Jim McNeely III To be honest, when I received this book in the mail I had visions of what it might be like with a title like, ‘The Romance of Grace.’  The emotional rollercoaster and one-sided perspective on how our emotions fuel our faith was my presumption about the book, but this was the furthest thing from the truth as I started reading.  The Romance of Grace by Pastor Jim McNeely III is a careful look at the movements of grace in the way God pursues us with his love and his desire to get us to love him back.  McNeely writes, “We are entering a cosmic romance with a passionate lover, and He is interested in our heart’s truest desire.  His deepest objective isn’t to make us more moral; it is to get us to love Him back.  Virtue is the fruit, not the root” (18).  Why is this helpful?  For one thing, beginning with God’s initiating grace frees us from starting out on the wrong foot in the way we tell the story and...
2 comments
Read more