Coffee Shop Conversations: Making the Most of Spiritual
Small Talk by Dale and Jonalyn Fincher
Dale and Jonalyn Fincher, husband and wife team, speak,
write, and hold conferences (Soulation)
with the intent of helping be appropriately human. This book, Coffee Shop Conversations is a
good window into how to share your faith in a winsome and relational way
without losing your friends or making people upset at you. Much of the wisdom
here is using your best common sense while trying to reach out to the person
across from you with grace and understanding.
There are some real strengths in this book alongside some weaknesses as
well. What comes across most clearly
here is a desire to be truly human in sharing Jesus with others, walking in their
shoes and discovering the beautiful image bearer that God has made them into,
rather than seeing them as another rung on an evangelistic ladder.
Strengths
The book is divided into three sections: Making Spiritual
Small Talk, Restocking Your Tools and Helping Friends Home. The strongest part of the book and the one
that resonated most with me is the first section. Moving from asking the question relating to
who is my neighbor to what is my neighbor brings into perspective a healthy connecting
with those whom we share Jesus with. “We
know we’re supposed to love those different from us, but we continue to think
about them primarily through the label, which dims our vision and they can
become,” Dale writes (32). Rather than
see our neighbor as busy, crazy, or describe them through a negative action, we
strive to see them as human, just like us made into the glorious image of
God. This way of interacting with
neighbors immediately strikes a unique bond with them because sure enough they
have gone through a similar situation. The story of the Good Samaritan is full
of power partly because it is one human identifying another in a grave state
and reaching out in his own humanity, seeking the good of the other whatever
the cost.
Dale tells of a time in which he gave a university speech
and a student came up after the talk and ‘he felt like he needed evidence for
God’s existence or his love’ (41). After
giving him some good answers, Dale thought about his barriers to belief and
finally he came to the realization that the young man was looking for someone,
something to trust because of his broken past.
A massive amount of emails relating his broken past came through the
computer. Dale writes, “Wrestling with
his questions on my own helped me know how to engage him as the hurt person
behind the intellectual query” (42).
This piece of wisdom is true because every face we meet has a story, but
many stories are difficult and very painful for people to share. Often, the questions people ask are a wall of
security for them to withstand the assault of the real hurt in their
lives. Dale carefully sees that after
building a relationship, asking the right questions can lead to the unraveling
of a story that needs God’s grace.
Weaknesses
For all that is good in the book, there are a few points of
weakness also. In the section on How to
Read the Bible. Dale writes, “For every
biblical narrative, the hero is the God of Israel, not Noah, Abraham, Joseph,
Moses….” (84). It is very wise to not
place the hero of the biblical text at the feet of broken believers, yet I
think there is something missing here, namely Christ. Not only does every text point to Christ as
the hero of every text, the whole biblical narrative is leading forward to him,
looking back at his ministry, or awaiting his return. A more robust understanding of seeing Christ
as the hero of every text allows to see a strong unity in the narrative of the
Bible that connects both Old and New Testaments.
Secondly, I certainly agree that meeting people at the door
with the message that a fiery furnace awaits them if they don’t believe is not
the right way to win people to the Savior.
And, I also agree that getting out of hell is not why people should believe. Yet, I think in some ways Dale has missed the
point. There are a myriad of ways of
connecting people to God’s view of sin and his judgment upon it without going
straight the fiery furnace illustration.
Though we want people to see Jesus as their source of life and light,
freeing them from the chains of darkness in their sin, understanding that God
is a just judge at a certain point in our relationship with them is good
also. I wonder after reading this short
section what Dale actually believes about hell, since the traditional view of
hell has been around for some time.
Understanding hell and its awful state is not a brand of Christianity
but fundamental to understanding the character of God and his justice. There are points in our relationship with
unbelievers that are more appropriate to broach such a subject, but to never
engage it all doe a disservice to the
biblical record.
Conclusion
This book was a good look into building relationships with
our neighbors, opening our lives up to them in spiritual small talk. The great word of this book is that
understanding our neighbors takes great patience, listening and learning to
walk in their shoes. If we are willing
to shut our mouths first and open up to others, communication and relationships
will take place. I hope this book will
be an encouragement to many. I think
the sections on doctrine specific issues and bible study are a bit off but
there is still some truth to be gained even in these sections.
Thanks to Speakeasy and Zondervan for the copy of this book
in exchange for review.
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