Black
and white bible, black and blue wife: My story of finding hope after domestic
abuse by Ruth A. Tucker
Nobody deserves to get beat senseless by a man, much
less a man who is cut from the preacher’s cloth, but this is part of Ruth A.
Tucker’s story, in her new book, black
and white bible, black and blue wife. She describes her experience in the
introduction in this way, “During his violent rages, my ex-husband often hurled
biblical texts at me, as though the principal tenet of Scripture was, “Wives,
submit to you husbands…I felt trapped and feared for my life, while outwardly
disguising bruises with long sleeves and clever excuses, pretending that ours
was a happy marriage (14).”
The frightening place that Ruth found herself in, in
a marriage that was brimming with violence was difficult to move on from. For one, she had to found a safe place for
her son Carlton, who had seen these violent rages in living color in their
home. Yet, one of the despicable things
that Ruth references in the opening chapter is one question, “Can we come
together as a Christian community and recognize that the doctrine of male
headship has sometimes been used as a cover to perpetrate violence against
women? At the same time, can we come
together in an understanding that marriage based on mutual submission is a biblical
model – a valid interpretation of Scripture? (23).” The point of noting the abuse of male
headship as a foil for violence and the importance of mutual submission are two
key areas we must discuss. The point
that Ruth makes in the book that needs to be on center focus is, “And that a
husband was to “love his wife as Christ loved the church” was certainly a
standard far beyond what was expected of husbands in the ancient world (46).”
Ruth’s concept of mutual consent has many merits to
it in terms for both husbands and wives.
Building her case by looking at Proverbs 31, Ruth writes, “Would the
Proverbs 31 woman have been prepared to manage the household without her
husband? Of course she would have. Is a woman who is ruled by her husband
prepared? When a husband makes the
decisions, a wife is left in a vulnerable position upon his death (50).” There is sense of demeaning the intelligence
of a woman if we fail to guide her through the affairs of life in marriage
including money, taxes, household things as well.
With later discussions of rape (legitimate and
marital), John Calvin and feminism, and violence and what is the way forward,
Ruth does not shy away from these often painful issues. I hope that those going through these
situations will find comfort from her words.
Thanks to BookLookBloggers for the copy of this book
in exchange for an honest review.
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